Free Land Medical

This "New and Improved" Keurig 2.0 is a piece of sh... It's slow as Hell to make coffee, it starts and stops, wheezes like an old man with COPD, it literally sounds like an old man whose been smoking for fifty years peeing in my kitchen... Then you can't make anything other than 4oz, 8oz, 10oz, or a full pot of coffee. Who the hell drinks 4oz of coffee?!? Where's the sixteen and twenty? REALLY? And if I brew the 8 twice it's so slow to brew the whole thing is cold before it gets done, I tried it. To top it off the POS doesn't even use all K cups unless you hack it.

Well... I had an awesome idea that if I combined my newly purchased uranium ore and a container of Marshmallow Fluff, the outcome would result in a smaller version of the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man. However... what soon followed my unfortunate science/cooking experiment was the creation of something that resembled a 10 foot tall adaptation of the Michelin Man meets Chuck Norris! Immediately upon its creation I received unprovoked roundhouse kick to my face... fortunately, his marshmallow-pillowy-like foot softened the impending blow. We battled through the kitchen, then it saw the open door. As soon as this sticky-sweet creature made it outside... it escaped. So I guess this "review" is more of a public-service announcement... I probably should've said that first.